“Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” —Robin Williams
Robin Williams has always cracked me up. Funny how I laugh now, but when I was going through my divorce, nothing seemed funny. All I could think about was, “How am I going to make it through this without losing my kids and much of what I have worked for in the last 25 years?” If you are having doubts, know that you will make it out the other side, but how you end up is determined by what you do now and what you want the other side to look like. I know it is hard to do when you are angry, sad, and so unsure of what the future holds for you. Just take a deep breath and trust that it will work out.
You once trusted your feelings to guide you into a relationship, and now that those feelings have been hurt or betrayed, you feel doubt in every pore of your body. Those early feelings were by no means wrong for that place and time. Think back and remember: How did it feel? For me, I know it is love when you feel the lightness of being and your heart is overflowing with joy. This is your true state; this is where you meet your truth. Just because this relationship has ended, the love is still inside you to express. It never left; it is just covered up in the drama of the change. Plus, you did your part to help cover it by keeping the heavy emotions like anger, frustration, sorrow, and regret flowing out of you. This is okay; it is a natural part of the emotional transition that you are going through—expressing and feeling deeply. The concern arises if you are still feeling the depth of the emotions some 3, 5, or 10 years later.
Looking back, I think the worst part of this whole situation is, I even forgot how to love myself. So, the question is, how do you come back to that place of openness and trust? A place where you know in your heart that you are whole and have boundless love for those in your life and yourself. You feel it in everyday activities, and most importantly, you trust yourself and your decisions. If this is the ideal and you have never been like this, what you are going through is a terrific catalyst to move you deeper into your own knowing and love. I have seen many people transition to be more than the sum of their marriage.
Now, in this place you find yourself, you feel lost, unsure, and groundless. The vision of the future you once had has been shattered, and you don’t know what the future looks like—except maybe bleak and unsure, and that scares you. Maybe the only thing you know is that you don’t want to be having to go through this shit, but you know it is going to get harder before it gets any easier. You may be right, but then again, maybe not.
At this moment, you have an important choice to make—one that won’t just affect you, but everyone around you, including your children if you have them. That’s why this moment matters. You have two paths: one is to react like an emotional dinosaur, consumed by anger and focused on getting back at those who hurt you. The other is to face this experience with open eyes and a clear intention—to grow, to change, and to come out the other side as a more loving, compassionate, and caring version of yourself.
Begin by seeking that quiet place within—the one where your deeper knowing lives. Trust that at first, you won’t have all the answers—and that’s okay. This journey is not about rushing to fix anything, but about rediscovering how to feel again—not the heavy, draining emotions that keep you stuck, but the deeper currents that guide you toward healing. Your task is to notice those low-energy feelings, acknowledge them, and then let them go. And you do that through forgiveness—of yourself and of the other person.
If this sounds familiar, it’s because the truth is universal: there is nothing joyful—let alone euphoric—about going through a breakup, especially a divorce. It’s raw. It’s messy. And with so many emotions tied to the process, returning to anything that feels like “normal” can feel like it’s light-years away.
If you’re going through a divorce—or have already been through one—and you laughed at Robin Williams one-liner, then take that as a good sign. It means there’s still a part of you, deep inside, that’s whole, untouched, and unshakable. That part of you can’t be taken away or broken. And if you didn’t laugh, well… maybe you just don’t like Robin Williams. In that case, you might want to stop reading now. (Just kidding.)
I wrote this guide to divorce as a step-by-step account of how I learned to stop reacting and start responding—how I began to recognize what I was manifesting in my life, whether it was pleasure or pain, or my relationship with fear. The goal is to develop awareness—enough to release the emotional weights like anger, fear, and jealousy that keep you off balance. Only then can those heavy feelings move through you, rather than control you.
When we stop reacting and start consciously choosing how to move forward, we become more authentic. The real challenge—and the beauty—is finding your way back to joy, innocence, and creativity. That’s part of what it means to live a full human life.
My hope is to show you that when you speak from your true power—from the heart—you gain the courage and clarity to know that you’re on the right path. And you will get through this stronger than ever.
Let’s be honest—this process isn’t easy. Like I’ve said before, divorce sucks ass. But what I’m sharing here isn’t about softening masculine or feminine energy. It’s about rebalancing them. It’s about finding your way through the pain and upheaval of divorce so you can stop reacting and start responding to your life from a clearer, more open heart and mind.
For men especially, I think that old-school “men don’t feel” mindset—where emotions are buried and ignored—is a straight-up trap. It keeps you stuck in ego, operating from fear and toxic macho nonsense. That mindset either makes you lash out or do nothing at all and just hope things magically improve. Spoiler: doing nothing is the worst option. When your decisions are driven by ego instead of intuition and heart, you end up creating a life that’s dull, disconnected, and void of real self-love or meaningful connection.
Sure, you might eventually find your way to the other side of this, but why not be intentional about it? Why not take back control of your thoughts and actions and move forward with purpose? Like most change, it’s tough—and sometimes, the hardest but healthiest thing is knowing when to walk away without saying another word. (Yeah, I know. That’s a lot harder when you’re angry and fantasizing about stuffing hot coals up your ex’s “How’s-it-goin.”)
What I’m about to share worked for me. And since I’m still human—last time I checked—I have a feeling these tools will help you, too.
Divorce is, at its core, a process of personal transformation. It’s a total reprogramming of who you thought you were, into someone stronger, more courageous, supportive, and compassionate. And how you show up—how you choose to act or react, and the role you played in what happened—will directly shape how long this journey takes, and what’s waiting for you on the other side.
