The problem with the thought of “living the dream” is that if we were living our dream we wouldn’t have to say it or think of it that way because we would be so fully engaged in our lives in all aspects from loving and doing to being and sharing that the idea of thinking about it would not even be in our heads, we would be present and living in the moment.
If you are living a joyful life you already know that challenges are just part of life, so you flow with it. Being the full expression of who you truly are outside of the ego is what I believe we are striving to attain. Being in the flow is truly our natural state we want to stay in, the trouble is we over think freaking everything. So, STOP IT! Meditate, go for a walk ust get out of your head.
I think if we stopped trying to solve the problems of being human and just start living our lives, we would all be much calmer and happier.
“What’s the difference between going to war and divorce, at least at war you have a chance of dying”. B Santistevan
So, to live your dream with passion and inspiration you must be open to all kinds of experiences even the ones that kick our asses like divorce. I know it is hard to keep an open heart and open mind when you are hurting so much and it feels as if your world has fallen apart. But this is just part of our journey to being whole, more compassionate and loving towards ourselves and others. Just put one foot in front of the other a day at a time.
Be gentle with yourself, the softening of our sharp edges (of our emotions) is all part of living your dream.
Consistently going to a place within to calm and balance the mind. This is the only thing you really ever have control over. Marc Ian Barasch writes in his book Field Notes on the Compassionate Life/ A search for the soul of kindness; “its only when the ego bows out that the curtain rises on real life. That its more blessed to give than to receive in not just amoral nostrum (means a medicine especially one that is not considered effective, prepared by an unqualified person), they say, but a prescription for authentic joy.”
To commit to the idea that I will no longer add self-created drama in my life was one of the most important perspective for me to maintain in having peace in the present moment. I’ll ask myself when making a tough choice what decision in this circumstance will give me the best opportunity to return to a balance perspective and peace of mind? As the wise man said you have two choices in an argument, “You can be right or you can be happy”. So, what do you decide most of the time? Your life is a direct reflection of these types of choices.
So, is living the dream something real that we can truly attain? Try this, think back when you were much younger and ask your 20-year-old self what does living the dream look like to you at that age? Is it having a car, having $1,000 dollars in the bank and getting a good job?
Maybe having a wife and children whom you can travel with to faraway places with sharing time and creating memories. Maybe another dream of your younger self may have been going to college or learning to speak in front of a large group. What was driving you then and how has it changed? Have you found or do you know what your gift to the world is?
Let me ask you this, would the 20-year-old you think that you were and have been living the dream now? I think so. I also think that we forget how much life has given us and how much more we can give of ourselves. Was getting married and then divorced a mistake? I believe things happen for a reason, so if having been married and accomplishing so much has helped softened you and make you a more loving person then it was not.
If you are not happy with your life and think that that 20yr old you would think that what dreams they had did not come to fruition then you have to ask yourself what would you have done differently and what do you need to do now in order to realize your true capacity?
What I have realized and seen in my past relationships is that as humans we do need to bond, that it is natural for us to make connections and that we must first have a loving relationship with ourselves in order to have one with anyone in the world. If you do not do this work first the rest will be creating a dream which is a nightmare of stress and disappointment. This seems to always lead us to look outside ourselves again and again for some pain relief in the form of drugs alcohol and even a dysfunctional relationship.
Again, I felt like I had nothing to lose by doing the work to see why I was feeling the way I was. I was also tired of my ego always presenting life as this grand play called fear.
As I have mentioned you have two choices to live in fear or love and joy, from my experience love is a hell of a lot more fun and in the long run much easier. It is the simple things, as Pema Chodron says – “Rejoice in ordinary life”.
In Old English, dream means “joy,” “noise,” or “music.” So, what will you do and how will you act to create your own joy and music this life? It is never too late and going through the pains of divorce is a great catalyst for change and moving into a more loving heart which opens you up to your dream life.
What does living the dream mean for us?
The title of this chapter is the million-dollar question. How do we get back on track when our world has fallen apart and how do we try to view this change as another aspect of our growth and move forward in a compassionate loving way to live our dream?
What I have learned is that the best life is a simple no drama life where you are free of concerns of the mind and have the awareness to not to be over taken by our intensely stimulated digital world we now find ourselves living in. It incorporates peace and freedom from the monkey mind that can continuously drive us crazy. This calm and inspired way of living is a key part of my dream life, it is also doing what I love and having the free time and financial abundance to share with others. It is also freedom from the worry that robs us of the present moment and the inspiration and love that comes with living life to our fullest. This is what I aspire to everyday.
Because life is not static it should make sense that over time our idea of living the dream changes as we age. The dream for a 20 something, maybe having a job, a car and a girlfriend to take out on Saturday night will change with more experiences. For me, and I know many at midlife, it is as I mentioned having good health to experience new and exciting adventures and having a healthy family to share it with.
The Chinese knew this thousands of years ago when it was said in a Chinese curse; “My you live in interesting times”.
Even back then they knew that over concerns with the outside world was not healthy. We see this in the stress associated diseases and over medication that are so prevalent today.
So, how do we start to simplify our lives? By first having the awareness of our emotional patterns and old luggage and then working at it one step at a time just like anything else in your life you wish to get better at. Once you know what your emotional footprint looks like you will have to find the courage to step into the unknow parts of yourself that are angry, fearful, sad and downright tired? This is not a race, but it is I feel the reason we are all here and the most important journey we can take to raise our consciousness and live our best life co-creating with the universe.
When I am troubled, I often take a rest and when I have a clearer headed, I envision how I would like to see my life unfold. Each of us must learn to touch the intrinsic joy and wellbeing that resides deep within us and allowing it to be your guide. You will know you are there when you feel lighter and calmer. Life takes on a simplicity which is felt at your core. I also get this same lightness of being when I am in nature. Things just slow down and I become very present.
So, put it out into the world like a fantasy with unlimited possibilities because as Margaret Drabble noted English novelist, biographer and critic has said “when nothing is certain everything is possible”.
We started the Divorce of Love with the Death of a Dream, giving examples of how divorce can change you in so many ways, but also showed you tools and guided suggestions and actions to take to make a positive change.
Now I close with Living the Dream urging you to take control of your ego and reactive nature and move forward in a state of grace.
Because what I hope you will come to realize going through all this is that even though everything changes and what you thought was a dream come true is now only a painful memory, you will survive and thrive if you want to do the emotional clearing.
One of my favorite ways of seeing the dream is from writer Don Miguel Ruiz who envisions it this way in his chapter The New Dream Heaven on earth, by stating “Imagine living without the fear of loving and not being loved. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don’t have the need to be accepted. You can say “I love you” with no shame or justification. You can work in the world with your heart completely open, and not be afraid to be hurt.” From the Four Agreements chapter7pg 126. This is what I try to aim for.
Don’t be afraid to be hurt. The Divorce of love for me has two meaning, first it is the love that was once part of a marriage that ended and it was also the love that leaves us inside when we act not from a place of wholeness, but from anger and hate. Many people today have divorced this love from inside themselves seeing their world as a fearful and reactive place to live and in so, creating hell on earth. This has been and will be the human condition until a realization of their power within is recognized. You must see that once you share your love with the world you really don’t lose anything by taking a chance on love, because it really boils down to taking a chance on yourself since we are all doomed to contract Incurable Oldness Disease.
“Being in a relationship does not change who you are. It does not make you better, and it does not make you worse. You are just the same in a relationship as you are when you are not in one. Whatever you are without a relationship, you are when you have one. The only relationship that matters is the one you have with yourself.” From Trish Withus website “There is only love”.
If you understand that we each construct the world we want to inhabit one thought at a time, we would be more careful with how we think and also careful with what we fill our heads with because bad inputs deliver bad outputs.
Your dream whatever it might be is in your control, making step by step changes with the right help and knowledge is key. Know that you have the power within to make the changes needed to live a more balanced and happy life and the imagination and love of self to create a new dream, life goes on and on and so will you.
I would recommend also reading some of the authors and people I quote because without their inspiration at different times along my journey, I know it would have taken me longer to get to a more balanced and loving place that thankfully I find myself now. What I am sharing is how I came to find myself again after being lost in the emotional storm of my own divorce….of love.
It was this thought of sharing my story and helping others that was the goal of writing this. My hope is that you will use these tools to forge your own life into a full and loving expression of your true nature.
Cheers to you!!!
Bill
