“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. Maya Angelou (5-22-14) Brainy quotes- http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/maya_ angelou.html
Are you done with the fighting or not? This is what you have to decide for yourself along with who and what are you fighting for and who do I want to be after this? Ask yourself this over and over again because the stress of being so adversarial over a long period of time can put you in a hole that can be very hard to climb out of. What I found is that after a couple of years I was tired of this heavy energy always being around and I just wanted it to be over.
I have seen some people after many months and sometimes years of fighting your Ex over whatever you both deem important bitter to the point where the anger and pain are so deep that they put up a wall and close off emotionally living in the judgment of their experience.
Others however get tired of it all as I did and decide that losing them-selves is not worth the fight. What you may gain financially or lose financially is little consolation when you have lost the ability to a balance your life and feel love.
Hardening your heart for even one individual effect your whole mind, body and spirit and sets the course for more unhappiness to come. What you think and say becomes your reality and nobody in there right mind should live this way, but sadly many people do.
You need to examine the beliefs about yourself and your former partner that you are still holding on to. Do you play the drama card with money, relationships or kids? These are just some of the many reasons or circumstances we can get caught up by it. Know that when you release your negative beliefs you regain your power. You need to realize life is not as serious as we sometimes make it out to be. Are you homeless and hungry…? probably not. Are you dealing with a disability that does not allow you to live as most people do? Hopefully not.
So, what to do, when you hit the cross roads and have to make a decision? Some find it easy to let go and other do not. The stronger your ego the harder it will be. A cold-hearted ego centric son-of-a bitch does not care and would not even consider giving up the fight. You know who these people are by the way they speak and act and I don’t hang around such blackholes of love energy.
As time passes try doing this once your head clears more and more from the heavy emotions. With more of a gap between you and your thoughts and with the awareness of your triggers you are your best counsel just by listening to your own heart. When you find yourself still, just be and observe the world around you with no thought. See what thoughts do come up when you are in the lightness of being. This is a time I feel that your connection to your source is more fully aligned giving you insights and a knowing that feels right. This is part of your intuition which is where your power dwells and your trust in the process unfolds.
This is another tool to see clearly and shift the misery and pain into a life free of your own suffering. This is what empowerment is, the ability to LET GO OF YOUR STORY and MOVE FORWARD maybe with a little pain and fear for a while, but with the hope of a happier life and an increased self-love.
Author Stewart Levine has written on Conflict resolution and he states 10 principle that show how to come to compromise. The following which I believe is true is one of the 10 abundances. One of the primary contributors to adversity is the belief that “if you get yours, then there won’t be enough for me.” This is a scarcity mentality. But the most powerful negotiating tactic is to find out what the other side wants and figure out how they can have it. The likelihood is that they will try to do the same for you. In most situations there is enough for everyone to get what they need. Rather than fighting about dividing a small pie, we need to focus on how to make the pie bigger. Here are some other of his insights and questions to ask that helped me:
- You have to care more about moving on with your life than being right.
- Are you creating enemies in your mind and being self-righteous?
- Don’t be attached to the outcome. Conflict lives in us as an emotional state.
- Your emotions need to shift to view the other person as in pain too.
- Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves that helps us let go of the conflict.
Surrender to find yourself
When I speak about surrendering, know that I do not mean giving everything the other person wants to him or her. I mean to surrender to your higher self, your higher knowing to trust this aspect of who you are. Stop trying to control everything like the negative emotions and energy that keep arising and that you are throwing at the other person, because the negative energy is being boomeranged back at you.
Remember what you think and say has power, keep this in mind next time you are thinking mean thoughts and projecting negative energy outward. If you cannot keep it from coming out then let it out as much as you can in private or on paper and vent as much as you need to be able to see what feelings are driving your hot emotions. As Irish-American actor, writer and politician Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” What you are trying to do is shift and release this same funky energy and attitude that keeps hanging around and direct it into a more supportive way of living.
Experiencing the emotional pain of divorce can make you think and say very bitter hateful things, so the goal is to catch yourself and be very aware of your self-talk. It’s not easy, so when you have that emotional buildup or blockage and want to just kill someone or something take a step back and a deep breath and go outside and run or walk or sit down and write everything you wish you could do to this person and when you are finished take that piece of paper roll it up in a ball and burn it. And remind yourself that what you project comes back to you like an emotional whiplash.
Trust in Frequency
Perfection is a thing we tell ourselves to be not knowing that we already are perfect at our essence.
Recently I heard the term the “Trust Frequency” which I liked from a book called The Trust Frequency by Connie Baxter Marlow and Andrew Bailey. What is it? They say it is an energy and feeling you tune into which frees you from fear. You are either in the “Love Frequency” or ego and the “Fear Frequency” Anything outside of you that keeps you out of balance and doubting yourself is the Fear Frequency. Anything within that gives you the ability to see past the fear and go through the pain is the Love Frequency. I like this idea. It is not easy to trust when you feel hurt or betrayed, but this is what you must do. You must trust that you were not meant to fail that yes life is hard, and suffering is just a part of this life and that there is more to you at your essence than you think or could ever imagine. The one thing I would 86 (get rid of) if I could from people would be there self-talk of negativity. This would change the landscape of their lives in infinite ways.
We hold ourselves up against this crazy idea of our own perfection consistently projecting it on the world around us about who we are and how things should be done. This is the biggest waste of time and energy there is in our society and we need to stop acting as our own worst enemy and be our own champions in our lives.
The problem for most of us is that we lose sight of the whole and deal with the minutia of our day to day circumstances acting as if they were life and death decisions and the truth is they are not. Worry about things you cannot control and resist change and you will suffer. So how do you change it? For me it was the step by step day by day things I am talking about in this writing.
What you must have is the awareness to catch yourself thinking about the negative thoughts and pain that surface again and again. This is the mind training you must do in letting go of old thoughts and fears which can feel like opening a wound over and over again not giving it time to heal. Be aware of the ideas you are holding on to and work through them by just being present with the thought, let it go without adding another other emotion to it.
You have to use every tool at your disposal to shift away from this endless spiral of negativity especially when you have had such deep hurt. If you are not doing something to change the thoughts and beliefs about yourself then you will continue to suffer. Know it does not happen overnight or over a few weeks or months. It will take time, but be patient with yourself and at some point, you will finally feel more grounded and balanced again. I noticed a shift a couple of months after I moved out with more time between negative thoughts after 6 months.
When you release your old beliefs and thoughts you regain your power and this is what I wish for you and everyone on the planet.
“It is hard to be taken advantage of when you give without expectation” – Gary Vaynerchuk Instagram 2/11/18
