“It is hard to be taken advantage of when you give without expectation.”
— Gary Vaynerchuk, Instagram (2/11/18)
After a while, if you’re staying aware and have worked through much of the emotional baggage that constantly surfaced in the beginning, you may reach a crossroads—a point where you’re done fighting and resisting. You just want to move forward without dragging the pain and sadness into everything you do.
The real question becomes: Do you want to learn from what’s happened and evolve, or stay stuck in the drama—blaming and resenting your ex, or even yourself? I found it emotionally exhausting to keep all that negative energy bottled up in my mind and body.
If you truly want a different path, you must learn from the emotional triggers that arise. If you’re unwilling to change your mindset, you’ll keep attracting more drama, less love—and probably repeat the same relationship patterns you just escaped.
Staying in the same mental loop will eventually drive you crazy. Real change begins the moment you choose to think and act differently—when you accept that life starts fresh in every moment.
I’ve seen it again and again: people who avoid taking responsibility for their part end up reliving the same emotional pain in different relationships. The universe has a way of mirroring back what you’re putting out. We co-create our reality—first in thought, then in action. That’s why it’s essential to examine your beliefs and recognize how patterns of negative thinking shape your view of yourself and others.
I know I sound like a broken record, but this is crucial—not just for your personal growth, but for the collective healing of the planet.
Ask yourself: What do you want to manifest in your life? What kind of energy are you sending into the world? Your life reflects what you think, say, and do. This isn’t just some woo-woo mantra—it’s about living in integrity, not just preaching it.
You might be thinking, “Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard this before.” But have you really practiced it? Have you ever truly tested it out? What you put out comes back. This has proven true in my life—whether buying a home, healing friendships, or navigating love. See it. Feel it. Believe it. Visualize how you want your healing journey to unfold—and no, hiring a hitman is not the solution, okay?
Do you believe that small acts of kindness ripple outward and eventually return to you? Put out hate, get hate. Put out love, get love. It’s simple in theory—but tough in practice.
Jonathan Haidt, social psychologist and author of The Happiness Hypothesis, writes:
“Gossip and reputation make sure that what comes around—a person who is cruel will find others cruel back to him, and a person who is kind will find others kind in return… As long as everyone plays tit-for-tat, augmented by gratitude, vengeance, and gossip, the whole system should work beautifully.”
Key Thought: When I felt tempted to act out of anger or spite, I reminded myself: what I put out comes back tenfold—and ultimately impacts my daughters. That awareness kept me grounded and brought me back to my core value: strive for peace of mind in every situation.
Choosing to stop adding drama to my life was a turning point. It can be for you, too.
Marc Ian Barasch, in Field Notes on the Compassionate Life, writes:
“We owe a debt to those who suffer because they draw forth our tenderness… It’s giving that turns on the juice, taps us into the infinite current.”
I believe this deeply—because I’ve lived it. Don’t believe me? Try it. Be generous until it hurts. Watch what happens. You won’t regret it.
You’ve probably heard all of this before. But ask yourself: Do you live by it? Do you let it shift your energy? What’s your ego putting into the world? Would you be proud to share that with others?
Does it elevate you—and those around you—or feed the drama pig?
Once you make the shift, you’ll begin to recognize others who’ve done the same. They walk with lightness, ask great questions, make others feel comfortable, and laugh easily. Their authenticity is contagious. They don’t gossip or judge. They just show up for life—whether it’s a quiet dinner or a wild concert.
And if you’re thinking, “I used to be like that, but this divorce is killing me,” don’t stress. The fact that you’re reading this and seeking growth means you’re already on the path. That’s awareness. That’s progress.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
(Hopefully it’s not another train, ha!)
Be patient with yourself. Taking longer to heal doesn’t mean you’re broken. Trust your intuition—those soft, quiet nudges—no matter what others say. Just take the next right step.
On the flip side, we all know people who are stuck in loops. They retell their breakup story like it’s on repeat. I’ve been there, too. But a good friend will lovingly listen—and then call you out. Keep that friend close. They’re gold.
“Complaining is not a strategy.” — Jeff Bezos
Life and relationships don’t have finish lines. They’re fluid, evolving experiences. A “successful” marriage isn’t just one that lasts—it’s one that teaches you how to love more deeply. Success is loving fully—through joy, pain, chaos, and calm.
Change sometimes feels like holding on for dear life in a storm—like a bull in a china shop… or a dispensary. Your call.
I used to try to control everything—especially how my ex handled things with the kids. But control? It’s an illusion. The tighter you grip, the more life slips through your fingers. Letting go and trusting the process means watching your thoughts and choosing patience over panic.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable—this feeling of groundlessness. But this is where your breath becomes your anchor. When your thoughts spiral, pause. Step outside. Walk. Don’t react. Wait until the mental waters calm. Then speak. Then act.
Wisdom means emotional honesty—especially with yourself. The way you speak to yourself about your past shapes every future relationship: with friends, colleagues, lovers, even your kids.
It’s about making peace with the past—and discovering joy in the ordinary present.
John Gray, author and relationship expert, echoes this:
“It’s important to complete a past relationship and understand what went wrong—with forgiveness and acceptance. As long as you have unresolved issues, the door to new relationships remains closed. You’ll keep repeating the same patterns until you’ve made peace with the past. Every relationship has its ups and downs. The key is having the skills to come back into love.”
(Catalyst Magazine, July 2015)
