“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
— Maya Angelou
Are you done with the fighting or not?
That’s the question you have to ask yourself—over and over again.
Who—and what—are you fighting for?
More importantly, who do you want to be after all this?
These aren’t easy questions. But if you don’t get honest about them, the stress of long-term conflict will bury you.
I know—because I lived it.
After a couple of years locked in that adversarial mindset, I was just done. The heaviness, the tension—it had seeped into every part of my life.
I didn’t want to carry it anymore.
I’ve seen what happens to people who fight for too long.
Months—sometimes years—of bitter court battles, power plays, and emotional landmines. Eventually, it stops being about fairness or healing and becomes about control, ego, and pain.
Some people get so deeply stuck in that emotional loop, they wall themselves off completely.
They start living in their judgment of the past—unable to feel much of anything anymore.
But others—like me—reach a point where we realize: losing ourselves in the fight just isn’t worth it.
Whether you win or lose a few bucks in court is small consolation if you’ve sacrificed your inner peace along the way.
When your heart hardens—even against one person—it affects your entire being:
Mind. Body. Spirit.
That kind of living shuts out love, joy, and meaning.
What you think and say becomes your reality.
And no one in their right mind should want to live in a constant state of anger and resentment.
Sadly, many do.
So take a moment and examine the beliefs you’re still clinging to—about yourself, about your ex.
Are you still playing the drama card when it comes to money, custody, or your past relationship?
These are common traps.
But when you release the negative stories you’ve been telling yourself, you begin to reclaim your power.
Perspective Over Pain
Life isn’t as serious as we often make it out to be.
Are you homeless? Starving? Completely incapable of building a meaningful life?
Probably not.
Sometimes, all it takes is a little perspective to shift everything.
Still—what do you do when you hit the crossroads?
Some people let go easily. For others, it’s like pulling teeth.
If your ego is running the show, you’re going to resist.
The cold, egocentric types? They’re not even trying to move on. You can spot them a mile away—in how they talk, how they carry themselves.
Personally, I avoid those emotional black holes like the plague.
When the emotional fog starts to lift, try this:
Sit in stillness. Let your mind settle. Observe your thoughts without judgment.
Don’t think—just be. And see what comes up in that space.
It’s in that lightness—what I call the gap between you and your thoughts—that you connect with your source.
That’s where your intuition lives.
That’s where truth and healing begin to unfold.
Letting Go as Empowerment
This is empowerment:
Letting go of the story. Moving forward.
Not without fear or pain—but with hope. With clarity. With self-love.
Author Stewart Levine, who’s written extensively on conflict resolution, offers ten principles for compromise. One of the most powerful is:
“One of the primary contributors to adversity is the belief that if you get yours, then there won’t be enough for me.”
That’s a scarcity mindset. And it poisons everything.
The antidote?
Find out what the other person wants—and help them get it.
Often, they’ll do the same for you.
Instead of fighting over a tiny pie, ask: How can we make the pie bigger?
Collaboration beats competition every time.
Here are a few more of Levine’s insights that resonated with me:
- You have to care more about moving on than about being right.
- Are you creating enemies in your head and becoming self-righteous?
- Don’t get attached to outcomes—conflict is emotional, not logical.
- Shift your view of the other person—remember, they’re in pain too.
- Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.
- Surrender to find yourself.
The Real Meaning of Surrender
Let’s talk about that last one—surrender.
I don’t mean giving the other person everything they want.
I mean surrendering to your higher self—your knowing, your clarity.
Let go of the illusion of control.
Let go of the cycle of negative energy you keep throwing out and receiving right back like emotional boomerangs.
You have to understand:
Your thoughts have power.
The energy you send out, comes back to you and then you live in it.
If you’re filled with mean, judgmental thoughts, then you are the one living in that negativity.
So if you need to vent—do it.
Do it in private.
Do it on paper.
Scream in the car.
Write it all out—then crumple it and burn it. Release it.
As Irish-American writer Malachy McCourt once said:
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
What you’re really trying to do is transmute that toxic energy into something life-affirming.
Into something that supports you.
Divorce pain will bring out the worst in you.
It’ll make you think and say things you never imagined.
But the goal is awareness.
Catch yourself in those moments. Notice your self-talk.
When rage bubbles up—step back. Breathe. Run. Walk. Journal. Cry.
Whatever you do, don’t keep stuffing it down.
Let it out—in a way that helps you heal, not harm.
Trust in Frequency
Perfection is a lie we’ve bought into—some unreachable state we chase, without realizing we were already whole at our core.
Recently, I came across the term “Trust Frequency” in a book by Connie Baxter Marlow and Andrew Bailey.
It struck a deep chord.
The idea is that there are two main energetic frequencies: Love and Fear.
The Fear Frequency lives in the ego—in doubt, in the belief that we’re not enough.
It comes from outside sources that keep us off-balance.
But the Love Frequency?
That’s internal.
It helps us move through pain with courage.
It helps us remember who we are.
It’s not easy to trust after heartbreak. But that’s exactly what we have to do:
Trust that we weren’t meant to fail.
That suffering is part of life—not the definition of it.
That, at our core, there is more to us than we can imagine.
You Are Not Broken
If I could remove one thing from the world, it would be the negative self-talk that poisons so many people’s lives.
If we could stop being our own worst critics, we could transform the world.
We constantly hold ourselves up to this insane standard of perfection—then judge everyone else by it too.
It’s exhausting. And pointless.
We need to stop acting like our day-to-day annoyances are life-or-death.
They’re not.
Worrying about things you can’t control is a guaranteed path to misery.
So how do you shift?
Step by step. Day by day.
It starts with awareness.
Catch yourself when the old, painful thoughts show up.
Don’t feed them. Don’t suppress them. Just be present—and let them pass.
You must use every tool available to stop the spiral of negativity.
Because if you don’t work to change your beliefs about yourself, you’ll stay stuck in the same suffering loop.
It won’t happen overnight. Or even in a few months.
But with patience, self-compassion, and practice—you will feel grounded again.
I noticed my shift a couple of months after I moved out.
By the six-month mark, I had longer stretches of peace.
Less reactivity. More clarity.
When you release old beliefs, you reclaim your power.
And that’s what I wish for you—and for everyone on this planet.
