By WAS
When I got divorced, some of my single guy friends assumed I’d be out every night chasing tail—like some of them still were. But that wasn’t me. I was emotionally and physically drained after the first year of moving out. The idea of being with someone new was just a fleeting thought. I knew I’d be ready someday—but only after I’d created enough balance and emotional space to let someone new into my life.
What I really needed was to return to the calm, happy, positive person I used to be.
Returning to Balance
So how could I get back there—back to a more balanced version of myself?
I figured the best place to start was by getting active and pushing myself outside my comfort zone. When I talk about “creating space,” I mean cultivating a still, uncluttered mind—free of mental chatter, doubt, and the repetitive, pointless thoughts that crash in like waves every day.
As a young man, I was always fascinated by the nature of life—from the physical universe to the spiritual (or metaphysical) realm. That curiosity went into overdrive when, at 25, I gave up Catholicism for Lent.
My mom—who’s more Catholic than the Pope—was not pleased. Every year she’d ask, “What are you giving up for Lent?” When I said, “Catholicism,” I swear I could smell incense—frankincense and myrrh—wafting through the phone. I’m almost certain she threw holy water at the receiver.
I’d grown up in a tight-knit Catholic community, attending parochial school from grade school through high school. But eventually, I needed something deeper than the stand-up, sit-down, fight-fight rhythm of marching Catholics.
That moment launched a lifelong spiritual exploration—Taoism, Mormonism, Unitarianism, Buddhism, New Age thought. I read about the historical Jesus, and devoured books by Joseph Campbell, Robert Bly, Eckhart Tolle, Kahlil Gibran, and more. My soul was thirsty. I knew there had to be more to life than just trying to get to heaven and avoid hell.
I eventually learned to meditate, guided by a teacher. It showed me how to quiet my mind and truly be present—something I still strive to practice every day.
But by the time I was 35 and married, the calm, balanced man I’d become had started to fade. Life got busy: building a business, raising kids, caring for my wife and our home. I lost track of what kept me grounded.
That was on me.
I let go of the practices and awareness that made me feel whole. I got swept up in life’s details—the ones that distract us from our true nature and connection to others. It’s easy to buy into the illusion that what matters most is always outside of us.
Getting Physical
To return to a more balanced life, I knew I had to burn off the emotional energy building up inside me. The best way for me to do that was to get physical. I asked myself:
What will get me moving? What will shake things up?
Deep down, I knew this path would help me reclaim my life—energize my body, free my mind, and heal my heart.
The universe has a funny way of nudging you. And when I ignore those nudges, they usually show up three times—in different ways—within a few days.
That’s exactly what happened with yoga.
I’d always wanted to try it, but dragged my feet. I felt awkward—not knowing the moves, not wanting to be the odd man out. But then a woman I went to high school with mentioned she was teaching yoga. That was the push I needed.
Once I started, I never looked back.
I’ve been practicing yoga two to three times a week for years—and I sleep like a baby on those days.
Whether it’s yoga, a cooking class, hitting the gym, biking, or even just taking a walk, we all need a way to release the emotional weight we carry. Getting active doesn’t mean active drinking. We need real movement—real change—to reconnect with ourselves and reset the mind, body, and spirit.
Yoga was exactly what I needed. It helped me tune into my body and notice what was going on inside. As I practiced, energy centers in my body opened. I could breathe deeper and feel more grounded. I found backbends especially helpful—opening the heart and releasing emotional blockages.
I’d visualize my chest as a treasure chest, unlocking and pouring out pink and golden light. Sounds strange, maybe—but my heartache actually began to subside. I wasn’t holding it in anymore. I was opening up—wholeheartedly—and letting it all out. It was deeply healing.
If you haven’t tried a class, I highly recommend it. Besides, let’s face it—you’re not getting any younger. Yoga helps with flexibility, and it’s a great place to meet like-minded people and make new friends.
Heavy and Light Energy
Another key shift was learning to let go of toxic self-talk. Those quick, fleeting negative thoughts used to drag me down like emotional quicksand. I wasn’t self-medicating, which helped. But I realized that most of my anger and doubt came from deeper issues—especially questioning my own self-worth.
Divorce shakes your whole foundation. It tears through your life like a tornado—not just physically, but mentally too. That’s why change feels so hard. Everything flips upside down. Even when you know it was the right decision, it still hurts. And if you keep replaying it in your head, the pain sticks around.
I had to break that loop.
Physical movement helped me shift that heavy emotional energy—from the fog in my head and gut to the openness of my heart. Moving that stuck energy helped me feel lighter and more at ease.
Start by noticing where in your body the heaviness lives. Is it in your chest? Your stomach?
Now imagine moving that dense energy up into your heart. Visualize your heart opening and releasing it. Breathe deeply. If it’s still there, breathe again. Keep going. Let light, aka-love fill the space. Let the lightness return.
One of my favorite insights comes from Arnold Patent, author of The Journey, who developed 19 Universal Principles. This one always speaks to me:
Oneness:
“Since the essence of everything is pure loving energy, in the truest sense, we are One. Oneness, love, is indivisible. Whenever we attempt to withhold love from anyone, we withhold love from everyone—including our Self. The truth of this principle becomes clear as we allow our hearts to open and feel our interconnectedness.”
Your Body & Ataraxia
Ataraxia is a fun word. It means the absence of mental stress or anxiety—a peaceful, calm state of being.
One of the most amazing things about tuning into your body is this: at any moment, you can check in.
Where do you feel tightness or resistance?
Shoulders? Stomach? Neck? Hips?
Sometimes it’s from physical strain—but emotional tightness feels different. One of my personal goals became recognizing and clearing those feelings. For me, my body is like a direct line to what’s going on in my mind.
When I feel a tight spot, I pause and send my awareness to it. Some people visualize sending love or light there. I like imagining golden sunlight illuminating that area. Often, an emotion or thought surfaces as I do this.
I ask myself: Why am I holding this?
Then, I breathe it out. Let it go.
And most of the time, the tension fades with it.
Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life is a beautiful guide to this connection between emotion and body. One of her core ideas is:
“I believe you created those experiences over and over because they mirrored something you believed about yourself. It doesn’t really matter how long we’ve had a problem, or how big it is, or how life-threatening it is. The point of power is always in the present moment.”
That’s why tuning into your body can ground you. It brings you back to now—where your power lives.
Pause & Choose Peace
Whenever possible, make the choice that leads to a quieter, more peaceful mind.
When you’re unsure, just pause and ask: Which option will help me stay balanced in the long run?
The key is in the pause. Don’t react. Just breathe. Trust the best choice will reveal itself.
It’s easier than you think. Start small.
Pause during the day.
Take one slow, deep breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
That’s it.
These “peace pit stops” train your nervous system to stay calm—even in stressful moments.
Try it right now. Seriously.
Take one slow breath.
That’s how you begin. That’s how you make sure your emotions don’t run your life.
Feeling vs. Emotion
Dr. Alan Watkins, a neuroscientist, breaks it down beautifully. Emotions are energy in motion—and there are thousands of them. Feelings are simply your awareness of that emotional energy.
Our work is to better understand this part of ourselves.
You’ve probably met people who hover around certain emotions—kind one moment, angry the next. The deeper question is: What emotions do you tend to orbit around?
Noticing your emotional patterns can transform your behavior. Instead of being a victim of your moods, you become a student of your emotional life. And that’s the path back to love, to peace, to clarity.
I highly recommend Dr. Watkins’ TED Talk, “How You Feel What You Feel” (Dec 18, 2015).
It’s worth every minute.
